One of my favorite games that has no beginning or ending is the look-alike game. You see a guy pumping gas and you say to your buddy, “who’s that _____?” And you fill in the blank with a look-alike. Someone funny-looking on TV or movies, an obscure name from high school, or pretty much anyone you can think of who even half way looks like your target. Hit it right on the head and you have a good laugh. The other day I’m watching the Chicago Bulls and see backup center Omer Asik on the bench and call out Judge Reinhold from Beverly Hills Cop. Boom. You can be the overall “judge” for this comparison, and a few other athletes that came to mind.
You’re telling me that if I put a jersey on The Predator you’d be able to tell the difference between it and Marquis Daniels? I don’t believe you. Predator is one of the baddest creatures to ever hunt. I’d imagine our alien friend would have great success on the hardwood. Superior quickness and jumping ability sets Predator apart. The thermal vision wouldn’t help his case when catching or dribbling the ball, but his laser-shooting capability would come in handy at the park or any other street ball setting. Marquis Daniels is the last of the Predator species known to pro sports. It was once thought that Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks had a direct blood link to the Predator, but it was later discovered his ties were with another alien species you’ll see below…
Remember Popeye Jones from the Washington Wizards? If you’re not sure, you haven’t seen Popeye. Anyone who’s ever laid eyes on this monster has that impression forever burned into memory. Listen, I’m not making fun of Pop in a mean-spirited way, genetics happen…But there’s genetics, and then there’s Popeye. Popeye’s name is extremely fitting because when you first see him, your eye’s literally pop open as if less eye lid will improve what you’ve seen. Dude’s mother even has a tough time with birth ownership. The look-alike is easy. Sloth from the 1985 film ‘The Goonies.’ “HEYY YOU GUYS!”
At first I was under the impression that running back Marshawn Lynch of the Seattle Seahawks began playing football after he shot several seasons playing the role of Worf from Star Trek. Only recently did I come to find out that these two men are not one. Marshawn was born in 1986 in Oakland, California, where as Worf was born in 2340 on the Klingon’s home planet. The birth date for Worf is a bit confusing, and the actual location didn’t show up on my planetarium, but I wouldn’t be one bit surprised if Worf is the father of Lynch. Just saying.
Those who’ve watched any amount of basketball know Chris Kaman. The guy’s got some game for sure. And although his play from 15 feet and in is pretty smooth, his appearance can only be correlated to either 1 of 2 things. The first is a Crystal Meth addict, and the second is a Wookie from Star Wars. Kaman lacks the overall hair to be officially linked with Chubaka, but the bone structure says otherwise. But at the end of the day, the sagging shoulders, sunken eyes, and jacked up jaw says Meth Head. You call it.
His birth certificate says he’s from Barcelona Spain…but then again Danny Almonte’s birth certificate also said he was 12. I looked hard and deep (pause) into the subject and found that Pau Gasol’s original place of birth was on the African plains, the native land of the Ostrich. The correlation breakthrough came when I discovered that the Ostrich lays the largest eggs of any living bird, and Pau Gasol laid the largest egg in the 2011 playoffs of any living All-Star. When times got really tough in 2011, Gasol could be found burying his head in the sand, just like his ancestors before him. It was right under my nose/beak the entire time.