The Real ‘World’s Most Interesting Man’

I know we’ve all seen those beer commercials with the ‘World’s Most Interesting Man’, where this knock-off of Chuck Norris says punch lines and does all kinds of wild/weird stuff brilliantly unconnected to beer.  I’m here to tell you who the ‘real’  most interesting human being ever really is.  Hopefully you’ll understand my point of view after I attempt to cram his life into a three minute blog…Make sure you read until the end and check out the new videos, I swear it’s worth it!

Herschel Walker is a myth of a man.  He’s one of seven kids who grew up very poor in a small town in Georgia known for a clothing factory and farming.  He was fat and had a speech impediment and wasn’t dreaming big.   I hope everyone knows who Herschel Walker is, but if you don’t I’ll cut you the slack.  I thought I knew who this guy was until Tuesday afternoon, when I started reading up on him.  I literally laughed through half of the links I clicked on and half of the paragraphs I read through, because his life has been that outrageous.  You’ll see why.  By his senior year of High School he was no longer fat, but was winning the Georgia State Championship for the 100 meter dash.  That same year (1979) he won the football state championship, while also winning the national high school athlete of the year award. If his accomplishments stopped there he would of had a lot to look back upon and be proud of.  But Herschel was just getting started dominating different life categories, like that new IBM super computer on Jeopardy.  He then went and shredded the college football scene like very few have, before or since.  He chose to play near home at the University of Georgia and not only did he win the Heisman Trophy in 1982, but he finished in the top 3 in voting every year he played! Oh, and he won the National Championship and was eventually voted in the college football Hall of Fame.  So that was college.  This freak ended up dominating pro football after that.  Put it like this, Walker is one of 6 players in NFL history to accumulate 60 TD’s rushing and 20 TD’s receiving. This thoroughbred still ranks 8th all time in all-purpose yards… but he spent his first three pro seasons in the USFL!!!  There’s a bunch of other crazy ass records that I won’t bother listing, but the point is he basically strong-armed the whole league.  While he was still playing for the Dallas Cowboys in the late 80’s, he decided he wanted to dance.  Yes.  ‘Twinkle toes’ was tossing a ballerina around in a one time performance for the highly reputable Fort Worth Ballet. In 1992 Hershel represented the U.S.A in the Olympics!!   “But football isn’t an Olympic sport you idiot!” – Fools.   Dude made it on the 2-man bobsledding team!  HAHA.  Think about it, he just decided to focus his efforts on a sport that people take years and years to master before they ever even think about qualifying, let alone actually making a 2-man bobsled team that will represent their country.  And what’s borderline unthinkable is that he barely missed the cut for the Olympic sprint relay team!!  Freaking mad man.  What else could one guy conquer right?  What can’t you conquer when (according to Walker) your cranking out 3,000 sit ups and 1,500 push ups a day during commercial breaks on television!  I guess you have to do outrageous numbers when you’re the only guy in the NFL who doesn’t lift weights.  That’s right, Walker says he’s never lifted weights in his life.  A bit bizarre don’t you think?  Bizarre is Walker’s middle name.  He earns it by his claims, such as he doesn’t eat meat.  Only soup, vegetables, and bread. Would that make him a hypocrite for also starting his own poultry farm/food company in 1999, appropriately called Renaissance Man Food Services?  He doesn’t even eat the food his company deals with.  Speaking of not eating, this guy claims he eats once a day and sleeps four hours a night.  Read that last sentence again and let it sink in.  Screw it, I’ll remind you: HE  EATS ONCE A DAY AND SLEEPS FOUR HOURS A NIGHT!  How the hell can a professional athlete and olympian who sleeps so little afford to do that?  Good God.  Are you remembering all of this?  Because he might not.  Walker has suffered from multiple personality disorder, and claims that he doesn’t remember his entire Heisman trophy season, or accepting the trophy.  He also doesn’t remember putting a loaded gun to his head and playing Russian roulette (What the…?).  He claims behavior like this attributed to the downfall of his marriage.  He’s recovering though.  So here’s the punchline to his whole life to date…He’s now 48 years old and a professional MMA fighter!!   As in hand to hand combat inside of a cage!  It’s laugh out loud funny, but his opponents aren’t laughing.  This past weekend he TKO’d a dude in the first round (Then politely donated his fight check to charity).  Walker’s body looks like that of a Greek god.  Forty freaking eight and chizzled out of his skull.  Dude’s traps look like a growth.  His chest, implants.  His arms must be a hologram.  He’s now 2-0, both wins by TKO.  Herschel Walker is a 5th degree black belt and a master in about 10 other forms of kicking ass.  It was 1982 and he was winning the Heisman Trophy!  I didn’t exist, but was still a microscopic sperm deep in my father’s loins.  How does this guy, at his age, continue to rock at life?  How does he have time either?  Running a business, all those push ups/situps, giving hall of fame speeches, training in martial arts and appearing on the Apprentice with Donald Trump?  Oh yea, he’s awake for 20 hours of every day.  Here’s the best part:  He said he’s still capable of playing in the NFL!  Walker claims he’s in the best shape of his life, better than his early 20’s.  He swears he can help a NFL team, but he’s a pro fighter now, so he says he may have to wait until he’s 50 to come back and play for his top choice the Atlanta Falcons. Who knows if he’ll ever come back.  The point is he’s kind of back right now.  I personally don’t think it can be done, but who am I to doubt a state champion sprinter, high school national athlete of the year, Heisman winner, national champion, NFL star, Olympian, business owner, pro fighter, mixed martial arts expert, and workout master?  I’m sorry Herch!   Lastly, the best part about Herschel is that the guy couldn’t be more humble, caring, and soft spoken.  He’s constantly quoting the bible and striving to become a better person.  Considering the spotlight he’s been given over such a long period of time, these are very unique qualities. Now you know the tip of the iceberg of this man they call Herschel Walker.  And next time you see those beer commercials for ‘the most interesting man’, you’ll know the truth about him. 

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7 Responses to The Real ‘World’s Most Interesting Man’

  1. Michael S says:

    Duuuuude is straight killing it! No way it was just a publicity stunt you don’t just get on a OLYMPIC TEAM man for nothing come on now! Herschel is the GOAT of all Athletes.

    • Enemy of tards says:

      THANK YOU!

      • Dan R. says:

        HAHA wow you must be an enemy of yourself then, cause it was a joke. Or do you really think the 1992 Olympic Bobsled Team posts on byesline.com? How else could you take this comment seriously? Of course he made it on his own accord, its the Olympics, not Kimbo Slice fighting on CBS’s Primetime MMA show. get an intelligent sense of humor….or off your knees in front herschel….

  2. 1992 Olympic Bobsled Team says:

    It was a publicity stunt

    • Enemy of tards says:

      Im pretty sure his team finished like 7th overall…and i know theres between like 60 and 70 countries that participate. Also i’m not sure if a olympic team or staff would participate in a ‘publicity stunt’. Shoulda prob thought that through

  3. JB says:

    Herschel is now my favorite athlete of all time, and looking at the guy I’m convinced he could play in the NFL. I also think Jim Rome quoted him as saying he could do the forty in under 4.5… Right now LOL

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